eager for love, lacking of worth
by emilyforprez
Summary: and he's reminded of That Night, the night this happened almost exactly, his name from her lips and his teeth in her neck.


**A/N: **Alternates between pre-pilot PQ and PQ-haven't-had-scenes-so-I'll-assume-they're-fucking-behind-everyone's-back in season two.

* * *

"Let me get to third base a couple times a week."

That's when it starts, the second time.

…

The first time, they're forbidden to each other, and that's why it happens. Puck has fantasies of taking her against the lockers. Quinn teases him just enough, enough to make her feel like she isn't breaking any rules. All about the teasing and not about the pleasing. Simple.

It's raining. The air tastes like mud and the sky falls around them.

She kisses him the first time, in the bed of his truck, her hands at the hem of his jeans but her fingers too frozen to move.

She doesn't remember how she got there, but that's how it happens. He reminds her of the snake that corrupted Eve, only Quinn isn't brave enough to take a bite from the apple.

…

He fucks her in the back of his truck, the first time of the second beginning. He leaves marks so everyone can see; she punishes him with scrapes into his shoulders.

She whimpers his name, screams it when she comes, and he's reminded of The Night, the night this happened almost exactly, his name from her lips and his teeth in her neck.

…

That Night, she'd pulled her skirt back to her waist and looked at him like he was _that_ guy. The guy that won't call.

He does call. Several times. Hundreds of times.

_Hi, this is Quinn, and if this is Noah Puckerman, please don't call back again._

She's so fucking childish. He wants to corner her and fuck her again.

…

She doesn't mean to. That's the thing.

Her hips wriggle a little too much when he touches her, and that must be it. Like a knee-jerk reaction. He touches her, just enough, kisses her on that spot by her ear and tugs on her lip gently with his teeth. And it happens. Over and over and _over_ —

It's a game. The second beginning of a stupid game. She stops screaming his name and whispers it. Like a prayer, almost.

_Let's pray._

God, he's ruined her.

…

After That Time, she avoids him for weeks.

She kisses Finn a little harder and pushes a little farther, until she almost pretends she's in love with him again.

Puck texts her once every morning.

_does he wonder about the marks?_

…

_ur bf saw the scratches on my back today_

The next time, she's careful to make him bleed.

…

It's all primal. All of it. The laws of attraction.

They sit in the back of his truck and the sky looks like rain. The stereo plays soft country music and the heater rumbles in the background noise.

There's a branch of lightning across the sky when he tells her he loves her, and she stares at him for a full minute before she bolts.

Lonely, lonely, lonely. She makes everything too complicated.

…

The next time she talks to him — and this is after _that time_, _the_ time, the only time she's ever going to let him touch her, _ever_ — is when she's buying the pregnancy tests.

She sits in the bathroom stall and shakes it until she's sure it's right.

He texts her.

_if ur not gonna fuck him, im still here_

She stares long and hard at the words until the blur through her tears.

…

It's Christmas Eve and he drinks alone.

Fifteen dialed calls. She doesn't answer any of them.

It's Christmas morning and he wakes up alone.

…

He fucks her on New Year because she told him she's going to start over a whole new leaf, which equals _no you, no me, no us_.

It's a quarter to midnight and she comes, whimpering his name.

He falls back on the sheets and wonders if it was always supposed to be like this. Wishing for something he can't have, not really, not all the way.

Somewhere, in the city of hopes and dreams, a crowd of people counts down to the end of the new year.

She stays in his arms, but he wakes up cold.

…

After That Time, she texts him only once.

_i hate you_

He fucks Santana and fucks everything and fucks it all up.

…

Old habits die hard.

It's the second day into 2011 and she's already coming around his fingers.

She doesn't whisper his name.

"I love you."

She fucks it all up, everything she said she was going to do, turning over a new leaf and all that — and all it took were those stupid words.

…

The second beginning is the last beginning, and they don't even know when it'll end.


End file.
